Age of Frustration Poem

I was headed to bed

Not because it was bedtime

But just because I was deeply frustrated

My thought patterns were holding me hostage

Why had my life ground to a halt?

Why was my top no longer spinning?

Is this what aging was?

...

I did not paint today.

That was messing with my head.

I wanted to be free of the painting yet now I was frustrated that I had not painted.

Another goal crashed and burned

Others do not see merit in my work

Sometimes the work even seems ridiculous to me

...

I am mad that I never had a horse

I wished for one

My parents were dead set against

My husband was dead set against it

Now I am divorced and his new wife has horses

My boyfriend thinks horses are stupid

And I don't have a yard

...

I always wanted a dance studio

Now my daughter has one and she does not dance

I feel like the universe mocks me

Like two tall children playing keep away with a younger shorter child

I am always the younger shorter child who never gets what I want

And lately I am uncertain of what I want anyway

I thought I wanted to paint every day.

I was mistaken